


Beware of The Big, Bad Spider!

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Attempt at humour, Based on Tumblr Post, Little spidey is lonely and wants friends, M/M, Magnus sure is, Simon and Alec aren't amused, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 14:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14834312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Simon is staying at Magnus' and one day Magnus and Alec come home from a date. They just want to relax and enjoy themselves, but those plans are interrupted by Simon... and well, a spider, who just wants some attention from Simon and Alec, who are both terrified of it.Crackfic.





	Beware of The Big, Bad Spider!

**Author's Note:**

> A bad attempt at humour lol. Enjoy~

Magnus had portalled himself and Alec back into his living room. The two of them had just come home from their date. The whole day was filled with so much fun and Magnus was happy that he got Alexander all to himself for the entire day, still holding his hand as they portalled off to his living room and Alec grinned as he looked over to Magnus. Oh, yes, the day was definitely fun. They had visited many different places, spending the entire day in Tokyo and Alec was happily remembering the fun times and hoped that maybe he'd be able to get a day off like this again soon so that they could visit more places.

Alec liked travelling around with Magnus, it was fun. Magnus was full of knowledge about the places they visited and he always told Alec interesting facts about the places or how it looked centuries ago and how much things had changed since then. Alec would just listen to his boyfriend in awe, nod and just take everything in, because Magnus was truly magical. And after a long day in Tokyo, Alec was happy when they finally came back to Magnus’ loft. While travelling was indeed fun, Alec was ready to call it a day and just spend the rest of it curled up next to Magnus on the couch and do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.

Well, maybe he could do _one_ thing and a grin crept upon his face. Doing Magnus seemed appealing to the Shadowhunter and he started grinning when he started thinking about how he’d drag Magnus towards their bedroom and make him try on that underwear that Magnus bought in Japan earlier that day. Alec’s mind was completely in the gutter and was awaken when he heard some noises from the kitchen and he rolled his eyes, groaning. So, they weren’t alone. The _vampire_ was home as well and Alec folded his arms on his chest. They weren’t having the loft all for themselves, which sucked. A lot.

Alec didn’t like the vampire too much, but he wasn’t going to allow the idiot to ruin the rest of the evening. It had been too much of a good day for Alec to be too annoyed with Sion really, so he just shrugged and promised to himself that he was going to make Magnus try that underwear on some other occasion. When it was going to be just them. His heart made a little jump when Magnus stepped in front of him and took his hand into his own, not minding the noise from the kitchen. He didn’t mind Simon’s presence as much as Alec did. He liked the young vampire, so he didn’t think of it too much and he chuckled when he saw Alec getting all giddy when he took his hand and gave it a little squeeze.

“I had so much fun tonight, Angel,” said Magnus happily and Alec’s heart melted at the nickname. Yes, he still didn’t get used to it. _Angel_. He liked it when Magnus called him like that, made him feel special for once in his life. “How was it for you?” asked Magnus and Alec smiled softly he couldn’t’ hide his excitement.

“It was fun,” said Alec and Magnus chuckled, because he knew that Alec liked visiting Japan. Tokyo was a fun and beautiful city also for Magnus so with Alexander by his side, the city was even more beautiful. They took photos in the photo boot the last time they went and did a little bit of shopping. Well, they did a bit of a shopping this time too, but it was a different kind and a little smirk spread across Magnus’ lips when he remembered how enthusiastic Alec was when they were shopping for-

“Which part did you like the most?” asked Magnus on purpose and Alec’s cheeks heated up.

“Shopping,” said Alec straightforwardly. Alec’s eyes went to the little bag that was now chilling on Magnus’ couch and Magnus grinned when he saw where Alec was looking, his eyes longingly watching the bag with his new underwear and the warlock was impressed. Who knew that Alec was such a perverted minded creature? “I can’t wait to see you with them in action,” said Alec and Magnus started laughing. Just as he grabbed Alec by his shirt and pulled him closer to kiss him, there was a loud shriek from the kitchen and Alec rolled his eyes, groaning and he was again annoyed with Simon. Couldn’t he go somewhere else? To Clary?!

“What’s going on in there now?” whined Alec and Magnus rolled his eyes, because he didn’t like Simon at the moment either. He just wanted some alone time with his Alexander, but no whatever the idiot was doing in the kitchen was-

“Magnus!” yelped Simon and quickly barged into the living room where Magnus and Alec were. If looks could kill, Simon would drop dead at that very second, because Alec was just so freaking pissed. “You gotta freaking come and help me, there’s a-”

“Not right now!” whined Alec.

“We’re kind of busy right now, Simon, can’t this wait for a little bit?” asked Magnus, trying to remain polite instead of giving into his full on grumpy mood immediately like Alec just had and Simon shook his head. No, this couldn’t wait!

“There’s a spider in the kitchen!” whined Simon and Alec’s face went pale when he heard that. A spider? In the kitchen?! His eyes filled with horror and he then looked at Simon. Now his freak out made sense to him. “Magnus, kill it!” said Simon and then went over to the warlock. “Please?” he tried again and Magnus was just standing there, dumb founded.

Simon was freaking out over a spider so much?! Oh, for the love of God, he couldn’t be serious, could he? “Simon, we’re kind of busy now. You’re a big boy, take care of it yourself,” said Magnus and then looked over at Alec, who was staring at him with disbelief on his face.

“What are you waiting for?!” yelped Alec. “Kill it!”

“Excuse me?!” snapped Magnus and just stared at Alec.

“You heard the vampire! There’s a spider in the kitchen,” said Alec and stepped behind Magnus, placed his hands onto his back and started pushing Magnus towards the kitchen. “ _Kill it!_ ” whined Alec and then his entire body shuddered when he thought about spiders. Big, black, hairy, gross spiders crawling around the kitchen, ready to attack them when they wouldn’t be paying attention. Simon followed the two of them and Magnus just allowed himself to be pushed towards the kitchen as he was still trying to wrap his head around what had just happened.

“It’s on the kitchen counter,” said Simon as he was keeping his distance and Alec’s eyes filled with horror when he saw _it._

 _It_ was big. And gross. And then it _moved_ , started crawling around the kitchen counter and both Simon and Alec took a few steps back and looked at each other and then Simon swallowed thickly. “C-come on Magnus, just _squish_ it,” said Simon and Alec nodded in agreement as he watched the spider crawling around the counter, trying to get free. It was probably going to crawl on the floor and then attack Alec. Bite him. Transform him into a Spiderman. Alec didn’t want to become a Spiderman.

Yes, it was ridiculous, but he was panicking and his mind wouldn’t focus. Simon, who was now hiding behind Alec looked over his shoulder and swallowed thickly. “Is it dead yet?” asked Simon and Alec looked at the spider, who was now going to the floor and shook his head.

“No!” yelled Alec and looked at Magnus, who was just _standing_ and _laughing_ there.

Yes, Magnus was laughing. What else was there to do? Simon and Alec looked like they had faced a _demon_ not a little harmless spider, which was now crawling towards them and Magnus wrapped his arms around his stomach and started laughing louder. The spider wasn’t even that big and it was like it _knew_ where to go. Maybe it sensed fear. Alec quickly started stepping back and pushed Simon in front of him.

“Here, take him!” said Alec, using Simon as his shield as the spider was crawling to them and Simon’s eyes widened and he wanted to smack the Lightwood! He was sacrificing him to the spider, what an asshole. Now he knew why Clary didn’t like him and he groaned, but then literally jumped up into Alec’s lap, bridal style position, when the spider had almost reached his leg and Alec finally decided to take some pity on the vampire as he grabbed him when the other jumped on top of him and Magnus was crying at this point from laughing too much. The other two were far too funny and even if he wanted to make the spider disappear, he couldn’t, as he was laughing too much. And the spider just kept on following the two of them.

Magnus’ laughter had gone high pitched when Simon and Alec climbed on top of the counter, deciding that they were going to be safe up there. “Here, we’re safe here!” announced Simon and Alec swallowed thickly, nodding and he then looked at Magnus, who looked like he was having too much of a good time, laughing at their misfortune like that!

“Magnus!” whined Alec. “Kill it now!” groaned Alec and his eyes filled with horror when he saw that the spider was trying to join them up on the counter again. What the actual fuck, spidey?! Alec looked over to Simon, who had already started planning his will and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. “Magnus,” hissed Alec.

“Oh my god, you two,” said Magnus, but then finally came closer to the two of them and snapped his fingers, trapping the little spider with his magic and lifted him up in his palm, Alec’s eyes widening in horror when the disgusting thing touched Magnus’ palm. “Oh, you poor little fella, you just wanted a friend, didn’t you?” asked Magnus, talking to the spider now and Alec sent him a glare.

“Kill it now!” demanded Simon.

“I’m not killing an innocent creature,” said Magnus and rolled his eyes, then looked down at the spider and sighed. “You scared there two far too much,” he then said and grinned. “I’ll portal you off to somewhere where you’ll be safe and far away from these two scaredy-cats,” said Magnus and then made a little, tiny portal, portalling the spider far away into a forest and Alec finally felt weight lifting off of his shoulders.

“Thank-thank you!” stammered Simon, who was now climbing from the counter and Magnus grinned.

“A big bad Shadowhunter and a strong vampire defeated by a little innocent spider,” teased Magnus and Alec groaned, knowing that there wasn’t going to be an end to his humiliation. He climbed down as well and backed away when Magnus wanted to touch him.

“Oh, no. You touched _it_ ,” said Alec and pointed to Magnus’ hand. “You touch me after you wash your hands,” he said and Magnus started laughing again, but complied and once his hands were clean, he extended his arms out.

“Now, can your knight in shining armour get a hug?” asked Magnus and Simon gave the warlock a hug. Alec narrowed his eyes and rolled his eyes when he saw Simon giving Magnus a crushing hug. Wow, he was an idiot. Magnus was clearly talking to _him._ Alec tapped with his foot against the floor impatiently and then groaned, because Simon wouldn’t stop hugging Magnus. He grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled the vampire back.

“He was clearly talking to me, _move_ ,” said Alec and hugged his saviour.

Magnus laughed again when he saw Simon making faces at Alec, but then he gave up when he saw that he was completely ignored, so he stomped out of the room, going to his own room. He didn’t want to disturb the two of them, so he got out of the way, stuffing his face into the pillow when Magnus and Alec made their way to the bedroom and Alec made sure to thank Magnus for saving the day in great and _deep_ details. His attempts to block out Magnus’ and Alec’s screams and moans were unsuccessful, mainly because of his vampire hearing… it made him hear far too, too many details. If he wanted to keep on living with Magnus, Simon needed to invest into some good earplugs, because having listen to _that_ was just… ugh.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Comments and opinions are well appreciated =)  
> Come visit me on [Tumblr](http://katychan666.tumblr.com/) :)


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